Thursday, 9 March 2017


 "The Walking PMDDead"

I read a response to a guy who's coping with his partner's pmdd. (This was on a now defunct site, a few years ago). He said (and I'm paraphrasing here) that 'she sounds like a monster' and that he 'needs to protect himself' because 'she will eventually kill you' and how he 'needs to save his life' by running 'far, far away'. These parts stuck with me for a few reasons: 1) the Shrek reference to the land where all men should flee; and 2) how much it sounds like a message in a zombie survival guide. 

I have to laugh and come clean: I've thought about writing a PMDD survival guide for men, in the style of a zombie guide. Sometimes when my wife is in her funk, when her responses come in grunts or growls, when I sense the potential for lashing out, I think about that zombie show or movie, the one with the guy who keeps his friend or wife in the basement, even though she's turned, because he loves her and wants to help her.

(FYI: I'm talking about almost every zombie show or movie ever released).

Perhaps it's because he never had the chance to convey how much she meant to him and this is his penance. Perhaps he can't bear the thought of letting her go. Perhaps he's holding out for a cure. He has hope. He has faith. He believes in a better future. It's just him n her. No other people to rely on or deal with.

He's willing to live with the consequences of his choices. Most men wouldn't. Self preservation and all that - get the F outta dodge - run run away! But not him. He belongs with her. This is his place. Regardless of the imperfections or illness or challenges, he's willing to be with her. It may be draining, exhausting, at times dangerous, and, in all likelihood, incomprehensible to most other men...but it's the only decision that makes sense. He rises above the negativity, stronger and determined, willing to face each day with confidence and hope.

I'm not saying women with PMDD are zombies. But it enters my brain every now & then - the aggression (or potential for it); the sudden change in demeanour; the appetite for what her body craves and desires (and heavens help your soul if you don't have what she needs or wants); the darkness that's more appealing...and the need to remove humans from her vicinity (by any means necessary).

But then I think about my place. My unending hope for her - to not have to face the chaos within; my willingness to do anything I can to help her (even if it means leaving her alone, letting her be on her own); my stubbornness to always see or seek the good within her, despite the negativity; and my determination to give all I can (and am) to make her time in that dark place a little brighter.

Should you have any questions, comments, ideas or simply need to vent or release some steam, my email is or on Twitter +Chef Jay (@popculture007). I also started a Facebook group to share thoughts and stories and words of support and advice:

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